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| Jokes
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Bob was driving home after spending a great day on the lake
fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the
passenger side floor. He was late getting home, so he was speeding just a
little bit. As he was crossing a bridge, a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand,
and motioned Bob to the side of the bridge. Bob pulled over like a good
citizen. The cop walked up to Bob's car and said "You know how fast you were
goin', boy?" Bob thought for a second and said "Uh, 60?" "67 MPH, BOY!! 67 MPH
in a 55 zone!!!", said the cop. "If you already knew, why'd you ask me?", Bob
snarled back. Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer growled, "That's speeding,
and you're getting a ticket and a fine!" The cop took a good close look at Bob
in his stained fishing attire, and said, "You don't even look like you have a
job!! Why, I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!" Bob answered,
"Hey, I've got a job...a good job!" The cop leaned in the window, sniffing the
foul air, and said, "What kind of a job would a smelly bum like you have?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher!" Bob replied. "What the hell does a rectum stretcher
do, Boy?", said the cop. Bob explained, "When someone needs to be stretched,
I'm the one who does it. I start with a couple fingers, then a couple more,
and then one hand, then both hands. Then I slowly pull them farther and
farther apart until the rectum is a full six feet across." The cop, absorbed
with this bizarre image, asked, "What the hell do you do with a six foot
asshole?" Bob replied, "I guess you give it a radar gun and stick it on the
end of a bridge!"
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