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| Jokes
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There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long
business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try
to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't
much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that
sold sex toys, and started rousing through the dildos, looking for something
special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the
counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well I don't really
know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special
attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her
occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well sir, I don't
usually mention this, but there is the voodoo dick." "So what's up with the
voodoo dick?" he asked. The old man reached under the counter and pulled out
an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a
very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed and said "Big f*cking
deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But
you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo
dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door,
and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations,
and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old
man said "Voodoo dick get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated
back to the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" the
businessman exclaimed. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but
finally surrendered to 700 dollars cash. The guy took it home to his wife, and
told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say
"Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be
fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was
unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy
her, but then remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo
dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch a and started pumping. It
was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms,
she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in
her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to
the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the
car, and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the
dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she
was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how
much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't
been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't
stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second and then said "Yea
right...voodoo dick, my ass!"
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